Feast your eyes upon 4 wheels, 5 doors, and 6 gears of rolled steel and s-x appeal in the form of this lovely little Audi A3. Is this the greatest example of automotive engineering since the Ford Cosworth V8? Experts agree that it is most definitely not. Will this car turn the heads of young Qataris in their Lamborghinis at a red light in Knightsbridge? No. Will it pin your eyelids back with its surprising punch off the line? Also no. But will its handsome Teutonic lines and infinite practicality elevate your status in the eyes of the boss who has overlooked your Herculean efforts at work, lo these many years? Only you can know that. Let's talk about features: Engine: yes Headlights: twothe normal kind that people living in a society use, not those repurposed searchlights from the Blitz they put on every new car now Bluetooth and CarPlay: yes! no need to be alone with your thoughts in this baby Backup camera: no, but the rear window is transparent and your neck turns, sojob done Styling: the exterior is black, but the interior is black Mileage: under 30,000 (but it has very advanced opinions for its age and its vocabulary will surprise youafter all it's seen 2 monarchs and 4 PMs in its short life) Other features: the least noticeable car on any street. Seriously. Three cars have been nicked on my street in the last 6 months and those scumbags haven't even tried this sweet chariot. I left it running with the windows down one night and the thieves shut it off to save me the petrol. My neighbour sure misses his Porsche though. But that's life. Want to know more? I had the car take a Buzzfeed quiz Favourite food: prawns on toast or anything with marmite Favourite TV show: University Challenge Favourite Beatle: has not heard of the Beatles Favourite reimagining of the mythological Ship of Theseus problem: Trigger's broom Let's face itthis car isn't exciting. Neither are you. But like you, this little gem is reliable. Forthright. It does what it says on the tin. You want to go there? It will take you. You want to carry a bunch of stuff your spouse wants from the garden centre? Baby your ship just came in. Hate buying diesel? Good, because this runs on petrol. Stop fighting. Stop hesitating. You are destined for this clean, well-loved, low mileage treasure. It costs money to breathe anymore, so buy a car that makes sense.