Feast your eyes upon 4 wheels, 5 doors, and 6 gears of rolled steel and s-x appeal in the form of this lovely little Audi A3. Is this the greatest example of engineering since the Merlin engine? Experts agree that it is most definitely not. Will this car turn the heads of the young and wealthy at a red light? No. Will it pin your eyelids back with its surprising punch off the line? Also no. But will its handsome lines and infinite practicality elevate your status in the eyes of your boss ? Again, probably a no on that. Let's talk about features: Engine: yes Wheels: round Headlights: normal kind that people living in a society use, not searchlights from the Blitz they put on every new car now Bluetooth and CarPlay: yes! no need to be alone with your thoughts in this baby Backup camera: no, but the rear window is transparent and your neck turns so, job done Styling: the exterior is black, but the interior is black Mileage: under 30,000 (but it has very advanced opinions for its age and its vocabulary will surprise you. After all it's seen 2 monarchs and 4 PMs in its short life) Other features: the least noticeable car on any street. Seriously. Three cars have been nicked on my street in the last 6 months and those scumbags haven't even tried this chariot of the gods. I left it running with the windows down one night and the thieves just shut it off to save fuel. My neighbour sure misses his Porsche though. But that's life. Want to know more? I had the car take a Buzzfeed quiz Favourite food: marmite Favourite TV show: University Challenge Favourite Beatle: has not heard of the Beatles Favourite philosophical quandary: the Ship of Theseus problem Let's face it: this car isn't exciting. Neither are you. But like you, this little gem is reliable. Forthright. It does what it says on the tin. You want to go there? It will take you. Want to carry a bunch of stuff your spouse wants from the garden centre? Your ship just came in. Hate buying diesel? Good, because this runs on petrol. Stop fighting. Stop hesitating. You are destined for this clean, well-loved, low mileage treasure. It costs money to breathe anymore, so buy a car that makes sense.