(PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO) The Audi TTS 2.0 TFSI Black Edition S Tronic quattro. It’s like an ordinary TT, except someone at Ingolstadt clearly woke up one morning and thought: “Hmm… let’s make this thing terrifying.” You get a 2.0-litre turbocharged engine producing more firepower than a small German village really needs, funnelled through the S Tronic gearbox to all four wheels via Audi’s legendary quattro system. The result? 0–60 in around 4.5 seconds. That’s Porsche territory, except this one comes with proper seats and doesn’t cost you both kidneys. And because it’s Euro 6, you can drive it straight into London without ULEZ cameras eating your bank balance alive. Insurance? Manageable if you’re a grown-up. MPG? You’ll see around the mid-30s, but if you’re buying a TTS for fuel economy, you may need a lie down. Now, let’s talk history — because this car has one. Full Audi main dealership service history apart from the most recent service, which has just been done. Here’s the paper trail: 16,112 miles, 35,223 miles, 52,526 miles, 73,120 miles, 92,945 miles, and most recently 118,805 miles. Both the gearbox service and Haldex system were taken care of at 92,945 and again at 118,805. In other words: no expense spared, everything done properly. Spec? It’s all here. Black Edition trim, with 19-inch alloys that look like they were stolen off the Batmobile. S Tronic gearbox for lightning-fast shifts. Quattro, so it sticks to the road like a tax bill. Sports seats, leather, air conditioning, sat nav, parking sensors, the lot. Heated seats for those chilly mornings when you’re regretting your life choices, and a sound system that turns every traffic jam into a nightclub. So what you’ve got is a car that looks menacing, goes like a missile, sticks like glue, and has the paperwork to prove it’s been loved. It’s the kind of car that makes you look back at it every time you park up. The Audi TTS. Fast, furious, and just a little bit ridiculous. Which is exactly why you want one.