Congratulations are in order you've found the most wonderful car in all the land. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Steady on, chum, it's only a Volvo." But as Tim Curry said in the 1996 cinematic masterpiece Muppet Treasure Island: "Oh Jim, if that's what you're thinking you're dead wrong." Let's begin. The sound system. It's the most beautiful thing you'll hear outside the laughter of children or the sweet song of birds on a spring morning. If you dislike both of those (no judgement(yes judgement, get out of here AI re-write)), then it's the most beautiful thing you'll hear outside of something you do like the sound of. The seats: better than your nan's favourite armchair, and trust me, I've tested both. They're comfy, supportive, and heat up faster than your kettle. Say goodbye to cold winter mornings. Bonus tip: hands cold? Slip them under your thighs. Instant hand-warmer. The engine: what a stonker. The original 115hp wasn't enough, so off to Superchips it went. Now it boasts a mighty 139hp power enough to haul a boot full of compost and garden pebbles without breaking a sweat. And before you panic, insurers barely noticed. My premium rose by a mere 15. Now, not only does the car turn heads, it snaps necks with the sheer speed of your elegant glide past. Sure, it's only 30mph, but it looks faster. Suspension: best compared to a Rolls-Royce not the suspension, mind you, but the air conditioning. Rolls-Royce air con has the cooling power of roughly 30 domesticated fridges. The V60's suspension has the grace of 32. You might be thinking, "That makes no sense," and you'd be right but it feels correct. Have you ever seen 32 domestic fridges complain about a pothole? Exactly. Now for the bad news (sort of):The wheels are a touch unsightly, intentionally so. As Uncle Ben once said (after perfecting his rice), "With great power comes great responsibility." The wheels prevent you from looking too good, sparing your relationship from awkward lipstick-on-the-collar conversations. Also, there's no footrest for your clutch foot. This too is by design. Volvo cares deeply about your leg tone. Rest is for the weak. Power through. The Details: * MOT valid until 23rd October 2026 * Front tyres brand new (15th October 2025) * Cambelt & water pump replaced at 121,618 miles * Current power output: A staggering 139 horses of pure Swedish thunder * Two owners * Two keys, double the freedom * FSH * Babe magnet