Some cars pretend to be sporty. Some cars pretend to be practical. And then there’s the BMW M235i xDrive Gran Coupé, which pretends to be neither — because it’s too busy behaving like a compact ballistic missile wearing a business suit. This is the sleeper of the entire BMW range. It looks calm, grown-up, respectable… and then you press the starter button and the thing wakes up like it's been caught halfway through a bank robbery. Under the bonnet sits BMW’s 2.0 turbo engine — 306 horsepower, four-wheel drive, and the sort of launch control that makes passengers question their life insurance policy. And then we get to the spec. The spec is ridiculous. Whoever ordered this car new basically ticked every box on the screen and shouted “YES” like they were bidding at an auction. Here’s the madness: ? Valuable & Rare Options Equipped M235i Pro Pack (Valuable) – sharpened handling, bigger brakes, proper M attitude Technology Pack (Valuable) – all the big screens and fancy toys Comfort Pack II (Rare) – heated things, clever things, convenient things Harman Kardon Surround Sound – loud enough to anger your neighbours Head-Up Display (Valuable) – speed projected onto the windscreen like a fighter jet Adaptive LED Headlights – turn night into daytime Comfort Access (Rare) – walk up, get in, drive off Enhanced Bluetooth + Wireless Charging (Rare) – proper modern connectivity Parking Assistant – the car can park better than most humans Heated Steering Wheel – luxury you didn’t know you needed 19" M Double-Spoke Style 552 Bi-Colour Wheels – stunning Perforated Dakota Leather – Black with Grey Highlight (Rare) – gorgeous interior Seat Adjustment – Front Electric with Driver Memory (Rare) Sun Protection Glazing BMW M 50 Year Emblems (Very rare) – a collector’s detail It’s basically a greatest hits of BMW’s options catalogue.