This, ladies and gentlemen, is an MG HS that’s come straight from Motability, which means one owner, no funny business, and a life that’s been about as carefully managed as a panda in a wildlife documentary. And not only that — it’s the Trophy edition, which means you get those gloriously unnecessary leather sports seats that make you feel like you should be driving much faster than you legally are. It’s finished in black. Proper black. With gloss black, diamond-cut alloy wheels that whisper, “Yes, I did think about Germany… but then I kept the change.” Frankly, it’s about as sleek as anything this side of something wearing an Audi badge and a crippling finance agreement. Now, equipment. Ohhhh yes. This thing is absolutely stuffed. Air conditioning, heated front seats, electrically operated seats, keyless entry and start — so you never have to endure the indignity of using a key like some sort of Victorian — and Apple CarPlay and Android Auto. I could go on. I really could. But I won’t. (I absolutely could.) And before you start muttering about the Chinese automotive invasion while clutching your pearls, let’s be clear: they’ve turned up with a very simple plan — give you a colossal amount of car for not very much money. And annoy everyone else while they’re at it. Then, just when you think it’s finished showing off, it throws in two keys, a full service history, and an MG warranty that runs all the way to 2028. Which means you can sleep soundly at night, safe in the knowledge that this thing will still be someone else’s problem for years to come. In short: sensible, stylish, outrageously well-equipped… and deeply irritating for people who spent twice as much on something allegedly “premium.”