Right. So. Look at it. It’s a Nissan Juke — which, normally, is the automotive equivalent of ordering a ham sandwich in a restaurant that also serves steak. Safe. Predictable. Mildly confusing. And absolutely everywhere. If you stood in a supermarket car park and shouted “JUKE!”, at least seven would look up. But this one… this one is different. Because this isn’t some sad little Juke owned by a part-time yoga instructor who only drives it to buy quinoa. No no — this is the Tekna. The top-of-the-range one. The posh Juke. The sort of Juke that turns up wearing cufflinks. And because it’s the Tekna, it’s got everything. Full leather seats? Yep. Heated seats? Of course — because Britain is basically a damp sock nine months a year. Reverse camera? Yes, so you can park this gloriously odd-shaped thing without mowing down a bollard. Sat nav, Bluetooth, cruise control, lane departure warning, keyless entry… it’s all here. In fact it has so many features you half expect it to make you a cup of tea, judge your posture, and remind you to call your mother. And then there’s the colour. Ink Blue metallic. Which is a fancy way of saying it looks like it’s been dipped in the North Sea at midnight. And with those diamond-cut wheels, it actually looks… dare I say it… cool. Now let’s address the little number issue — because I can already hear some bloke at the back going: “Hang on… why does the mileage look… weird?” Well. Here’s why: the speedometer was replaced at 30,000 miles. So yes, it’s showing 17,080 like it’s been driven only to church and back by a retired librarian. But in reality it’s done 47,801 miles. And frankly… that’s still nothing. For a 2015 car it should be approaching 100,000 by now — covered in scars, emotional trauma, and a faint smell of wet dog. This one? Still fresh. Still eager. Still basically in its prime. And powering all of this is the legendary 1.5 dCi diesel — an engine so dependable it might as well come with a flat cap and a packed lunch. It runs on fumes. It will do mileage figures so high you start suspecting witchcraft. And it will keep going until the sun burns out and the oceans boil. It’s a proper workhorse. And because it’s been properly looked after — almost full service history, two keys — it’ll come with: ? Fresh service ? 12 months warranty ? Brand-new MOT with no advisories And the best bit? You don’t pay extra for any of that. It’s free. FREE. Which, in motoring terms, is practically unheard of — like finding a German car that doesn’t have a warning light on. So yes… there are loads of Jukes out there. But this one? This one is the right one.